


Damn It, Kuroo

by tadashi_intensifies



Series: The Adventures of KuroKen, Junko, and Friends [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Kuroo being a dramatic ass, M/M, i wrote this with like two (2) braincells left, kuroken being domestic, the rest of the characters appear for like 0.02 secs, this is crack im sorry, this is just junko causing kuroo pain and suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28709388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tadashi_intensifies/pseuds/tadashi_intensifies
Summary: Here lies Kuroo TetsurouLoving son, friend, (and sometimes) boyfriendHe doesn't know how to take care of cats,but may he still rest in peace.or the one where Kuroo Tetsurou goes through a mental breakdown because he lost his lover's precious cat.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: The Adventures of KuroKen, Junko, and Friends [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002819
Comments: 12
Kudos: 50





	Damn It, Kuroo

"Shit, I lost Junko," Tetsurou whispered quietly, alone in the unusually quiet living room that showed no traces of the demon cat. 

The last time Tetsurou had seen Junko was when he shooed him away from clawing at Fifi the goldfish's small fish bowl.

Tetsurou had gotten Fifi from a carnival he went to with Kenma the previous week. Fifi was a small little goldfish who had almost died of suffocation on their way home. She was literally floating on her side and it made Tetsurou think that she wouldn’t make it home. But thankfully, she survived that horrible near-death experience.

But Junko clawing at her home was another one of her near-death experiences. Poor Fifi looked like she was gonna die of a heart attack.

Now, as Tetsurou looked beneath every single space that Junko could fit in, but still seeing no sign of him, _he_ felt like he was gonna die of a heart attack. 

_Kenma's gonna kill me_ , he mentally whimpered in fear. He imagined Kenma's face full of rage directed at him and _oh god, he was really going to die today._

He could already see his unfortunate future, 

_Here lies Kuroo Tetsurou_

_Loving son, friend, (and sometimes) boyfriend_

_He doesn't know how to take care of cats,_

_but may he still rest in peace._

"Junko, I don't want to fucking die today!" Tetsurou exclaimed into empty space in hopes of at least getting the usual hiss in return. 

But he didn't receive one, and that made Tetsurou panic even more. 

His disappearance didn’t even make any sense. The front door’s locked, the windows are closed, and unless there is a Junko sized whole, then that would be the only way he could’ve escaped. And the worst part was that Tetsurou didn’t even realize he was gone until Kenma had texted him to ask _How’s my baby? (Oh, I’m fine.) Not you, my cat, Kuro smh._

And then, when Tetsurou went to check on Junko, the cat was nowhere to be found. No traces of him or whatsoever. 

_Why the actual fuck did Kenma trust me with this?_ Tetsurou thought as he paced around the living room. 

Kenma had to go to some important meeting in Osaka which was why he left Tetsurou in charge of Junko. He didn’t even hesitate in shoving the cat in Tetsurou’s arms the moment the latter had woken up to see Kenma all dressed up and ready to leave already. For some odd reason, Kenma trusted him to take care of his demon cat because _Kuro, it's just gonna be for a few hours or so. Don't be overdramatic, you won't kill him. ("What if he kills me?") Damn it, Kuro._  
  


* * *

"You lost your cat?" Koutarou blinked at him and gave him a look, the same look Kenma gives him when he's being stupid. 

"I didn't lose him. He… He lost himself! That stupid dumbass cat!" Tetsurou poorly defended himself. 

Tetsurou had called Koutarou as some sort of backup help twenty minutes ago. He had been searching for Junko for about an hour before he sat down on his couch and just accepted that he would be on the receiving end of Kenma's anger.

But he had a smart idea and called his best friend, because as they say, two's better than one. 

"Tetsurou, I knew you were dumb. But an idiot? I'm beyond disappointed," Koutarou _tsked_ , crossed his muscled arms over his chest and gave Tetsurou a teasing look. 

Tetsurou takes it back, he shouldn't have called this useless person he called "best friend". 

He rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Kou, I need to find that idiotic fucking cat. Kenma would kill me, then shout at me, then he’d bring me back to life just so that he could break up with me."

Koutarou hummed thoughtfully, obviously amused by Tetsurou’s suffering, "So? Look for him yourself."

“Kou, why the fuck do you think I called you here?”

“I don’t know, man. All you said was that you had kitty problems, so I was thinking ‘Oh, maybe he needs to feed Junko or something’. I didn’t know you had the ability to fuck up this badly,” Koutarou stated before adding a quiet, “Disappointed but not surprised.”

 _Stay calm, stay calm. He's your best friend._ Tetsurou breathed in deeply before flashing Koutarou his ever so charming fake smile. 

"Please just help me. Kenma's coming home in like four hours and if he comes home to no Junko, the next time you see me, I would be in a fucking coffin," Tetsurou deadpanned. He was a hundred percent serious as he said what he said. 

He could tell that Koutarou was so done with his bullshit, but still… Koutarou was his best friend, they'd do all kinds of bullshit together. 

Koutarou sighed, "Fine, let's try to find your precious cat."

"He's not my 'precious' cat. He’s… He’s horrible!" 

"Damn it, Kuroo." 

* * *

“Damn, Kuroo. How did you lose a whole cat?” Morisuke chuckled tauntingly when Tetsurou opened the door for the rest of his search party– _ah, friends–_ to come inside his apartment.

“Of course he lost a whole cat! Wouldn’t it be scary if he only lost half of the cat?” Koutarou questioned, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, but the teasing smirk on his face gave away that he wasn’t being serious.

Morisuke just stared at him for a whole ass five seconds– _yes, Tetsurou counted–_ then loudly sighed.

Tetsurou just did what he does best which was to ignore anything that came out of Koutarou’s mouth. He focused on what Morisuke had said.

“Alright listen,” He started, raising his pointer finger, so ready to defend himself. “The cat hates me.” Was sadly all he could come up with.

Koutarou, Morisuke, Nobuyuki, and Keiji all stared at him in silence. And, of course, Tetsurou just stared back at them, patiently waiting for them to agree, but surprisingly they didn’t agree with anything.

“Junko loves you!” Koutarou exclaimed, putting his hands on Tetsurou’s shoulders. “He may not show it that well–”

“He hisses every time I come near him.”

“–but he–”

“He once pooped on my pillow, while I was _sleeping_ on said pillow, then proceeded to wipe his disgusting, very shitty ass on my arm before waking me up by scratching my damn nose. And no matter how much soap I put on my arm, I could still smell the scent of his disgusting shit.”

“Okay, ew, but–”

“Kou, he broke my clock!”

Nobuyuki gasped, eyes wide, “No way! The one we gave you?” He questioned, looking around the living room table where the clock once innocently sat.

“Yeah,” Tetsurou muttered sadly as Morisuke patted his arm as if to comfort him.

“Okay, so maybe he doesn’t like you. But does he hate you enough to run away?” Koutarou asked, gesturing around the apartment. “Run away from his home? From Kenma?”

“Hello, I’m Kenma,” A familiar voice was suddenly heard near the doorway. 

Every single one of them gasped loudly and together, they all turned to look at the short pudding head who was staring at all of them, confusion written all over his beautiful features.

 _This is it, my death has arrived._ Tetsurou sighed sadly at the thought of being killed by the love of his life.

Not gonna lie, he was actually scared that he would suddenly get turned on while he was being murdered because angry Kenma was just so attractive and hot.

“What are you guys doing here?” Tetsurou’s precious angel questioned as he set his bag down on the floor slowly. His eyes scanned over the group of people as if he was trying to analyze the reason why they were here.

“Uh, Kuroo-san was bored, so we–” Keiji started, frantically looking around at the rest of the boys who looked deep in thought as they tried to come up with an excuse.

“We decided to come here and play,” Nobuyuki gave Kenma a warm smile.  
  
“Play?”

“Play volleyball!” Koutarou added without thinking. Tetsurou quietly sighed at his best friend’s stupidity.

“In the apartment?  
  
“No, we were gonna leave,” Morisuke said, suddenly gesturing at the gym bag that Nobuyuki was coincidentally still carrying.

Kenma squinted his eyes at all of them then narrowed his eyes further when he took in the outfits they were wearing, which were _totally-not-volleyball-friendly-outfits,_ before shrugging his shoulders carelessly. “Well, you could leave now. I’ll make sure Kuro isn’t bored.”

The group parted from the little circle they made around Tetsurou like the red sea when Kenma made a beeline straight into Tetsurou’s arms.

 _This… This is the last time I’ll get to feel his warm body._ Tetsurou mentally sobbed before acting as if nothing was wrong and hugged Kenma back.

“I missed you,” Kenma whispered softly, pecking Tetsurou’s cheek.

Any other day Tetsurou would probably tease him and just randomly start making out with him, but today was not like any other day. Today was the day he would die.

Today was his last day on Earth.

He wasted his last day living his precious life looking for a cat who hates him.

_What a life._

He spared a look at all his friends over Kenma’s head and saw all of them looking at him apologetically before they all murmured their goodbyes to him and Kenma. They left and the only ones left were Tetsurou and Kenma, and still no Junko in sight.

_Damn it, okay… Here we go._

“Ah, Kenma,” He hesitantly said, making Kenma look up at him with those cute, shimmering eyes.

_Time to destroy all that love and affection he has for me and transform those gorgeous shimmering eyes of his into angry slits._

“Yes?” He questioned, tilting his head adorably to the side.

“I think I lost–”

_Meow!_

“–my will to live!” Tetsurou exclaimed loudly like a maniac, swiftly turning around to face his savior.

And there, just right behind Tetsurou, stood Junko who was innocently watching them while licking his paw. Nothing seemed wrong with him. It was as if he was just there the entire time.

 _What the fuck? Where have you been? What have you been doing?_ Tetsurou wanted to scream into oblivion, but instead he just stared dumbfoundedly at the cat who was also shamelessly staring back at him.

All the stress, all the nervous pacing, all the overthinking. All of it was caused by this fucking cat.

Tetsurou couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop it if he wanted to, but he ended up laughing so loud that Kenma jumped away from him, which gave him the opportunity to bend down and hug the life out of Junko who surprisingly snuggled against him and purred quietly.

“Kuro, what?” Kenma asked, lifting a careful hand to touch Tetsurou’s forehead as if he was checking his temperature.

“I’m not crazy, I swear!” He laughed, still uncharacteristically hugging Junko to his chest as he petted his small, precious head.

 _Meow._ Junko suddenly swiped his disgusting tongue over the lobe of his ear. 

Tetsurou didn’t even have the energy to scold him or make a disgusted face, he just let out a pathetic sound of relief that sounded like a sob.

“Damn it, Kuro,” Kenma muttered, tried to worm his way in between Junko and Tetsurou’s hug, but failed. All he could do was awkwardly squat there and say, “I leave you both for five hours and both of you’ve already gone crazy. What the actual hell?”

“He loves me. He actually loves me,” Tetsurou actually had tears in his eyes as he broke away from his hug with Junko. He took a good long look at the cat’s face before enveloping him in another hug. 

_Meow!_

“Aw, I love you, too, little buddy. You’re an angel,” Tetsurou said, giving Junko one last pat on the head.

Kenma just stared at the both of them as if he couldn’t recognize them.

“In this household, all four of us share one and a half braincell. I own one and Fifi owns the other half. You both are just… empty headed,” Tetsurou heard Kenma mutter as he walked away from their love fest. “I’m gonna make some ramen.” He sighs, shaking his head in disbelief.

Tetsurou heard pots and pans clanging in the kitchen, but paid it no mind because all his attention was on the cat who had almost ended, but also saved his life.

“Junko, you’re so precious. I love you so much.”

 _Meow._

“What the hell?” Kenma screamed from the kitchen, obviously shell-shocked by Tetsurou’s affection for Junko. 

“I’m precious, too? Thank you, little bud–”

_Meow!_

Junko suddenly, for some reason, decided to swipe his paw just a few centimeters away from Tetsurou’s face, scaring the shit out of the man who was holding him tight.

“Junko! You fucking bitch! Fuck you!” His hiss had immediately caught Kenma’s attention. Kenma’s head comically instantly popped up at the doorway of their kitchen when Tetsurou started cursing at Junko and scowled. Tetsurou let go of the stupid cat and Junko quickly ran away from him and circled around Kenma’s legs.

On normal days, Kenma would usually snap at Tetsurou for treating his "precious child" so horribly, but at that moment, he just gave them a fond smile. 

“What?” Tetsurou scowled, softly patting his cheek that started to sting.

Kenma shrugged, “I’m just happy that he didn’t even think of running away from your ugly ass.”

Tetsurou fake-chuckled, “Yeah, yeah…”

_Oh my God, what the actual hell? Oh my–_

“Isn’t that right, baby? You actually love Kuro? Don’t you?” Kenma’s rare baby-talk voice he uses with Junko made a sudden appearance that melted Tetsurou’s heart.

_Meow!_

Tetsurou rolled his eyes when Junko pawed at Kenma’s hand. Kenma lifted the cat up into his arms, carrying him as if he were the most precious thing on Earth.

“Aw, Junko! Kuro loves you, too. He’s just being in-denial,” Kenma continued to coddle the demon cat.

“Um, no. No, I don’t love him.” Tetsurou tried to get away from Kenma who was slowly inching towards him with Junko still in his arms.

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I actually, really, genuinely don’t.”

“Kuro, you love him.”

“Nope! Never have, never will,” Tetsurou tauntingly stuck his tongue out at Junko who hissed in return and proceeded to go wild in Kenma’s arms, claws and teeth striking everywhere. Kenma let him go and the little fatass proceeded to flick his tail at them and walk towards the bedroom.

Kenma stared at Tetsurou exasperatedly and then came the words he had been hearing all day:

“Damn it, Kuroo.” 

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone!! i hope ppl are still enjoying/reading this series.
> 
> so i updated this later than i intended to bc schoolwork came in the way then the holidays happened where I took a break from writing.
> 
> this fic... ugh, it's not the best. it's just... ugh. i'd be surprised if you actually enjoyed reading this shitshow, because I didn't enjoy writing this as much as the two other fics in the series.
> 
> with that being said, i'm taking a short break from writing and drafting anything in this series
> 
> BUT!!! I will be posting and working on haikyuu fics that have been stuck in my drafts since like forever ago. So keep an eye out for that, if youre interested :)))
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading!! I would really appreciate it if you left a kudos or comment or maybe both ehe
> 
> Thank you so sosososso muchhh!!
> 
> (also u might be wondering: where was junko? well, i might write a short fic about that after my break :) )
> 
> hmu on my social media if u wanna:
> 
> twt: tadashiluvbot  
> tumblr: tadashi-intensifies  
> wattpad: purplie_jellybean


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